On the Road
by littlewiccan
Summary: Did you ever wonder what happened on Xander's road trip between seasons 3 and 4? Well read this to find out all the crazy things that happened and how he ended up at a male strip club. Review please.
1. Chapter 1

"Well, that's it time to say goodbye and say hello to the open road," Xander said as he closed the trunk to his car and looked at Buffy, Willow, and Giles. They were all standing in front of Giles's house they had decided to meet there to say goodbye to Xander before he left to go on his big across country road trip. Oz wasn't able to make it because he had to go to a wedding but he sent Xander his best as well as a box of Twinkies. 'The food of champions' Xander smiled at his joke.

"Oh we're really going to miss you," Willow said.

"Yeah Xand, its gonna be weird with out you," Buffy added.

In one last fleeting attempt to convince him to stay Willow said, "You sure you want to go cuz you know you're gonna miss lots of fun stuff like signing up for college classes, helping us move into the dorms, demon fighting, Scooby meetings, Bronzin, researching with Giles…."

"Will as much fun as that sounds. I think it'll be good for me to see the world and become more……worldly."

"Yes, well you best be going then...do be careful," Giles added. Xander was trying at times but he grown very found of him and he would hate to see any harm come to him.

Willow hugged Xander as she said, "This is the first summer, we're going to spend apart."

"Don't worry. We'll survive," Xander said.

"I'll miss you," Willow said, sounding a little upset to see her friend go, even if it was for only a summer.

"Me too," Xander said sincerely.

Next Buffy hugged him, "Bye Xand and have a good time. Bring back lots of gifts."

"Hey, Buff. Buff! Air becoming an issue," Xander stated.

"Oh sorry," Buffy said sheepishly.

"Don't worry about it and I'll be sure to bring back lots of gifts," Xander said giving everyone a lopsided grin.

"Oh I'm gonna miss you," Buffy cried.

"I'll miss you too."

"Oh, I almost forgot," Buffy said pulling a stake and cross out of her bag, "here."

"Most friends just give money but…"

"Just in case," Buffy said.

"Yeah, we wanted you to be safe against all the things that go bump in the night," Willow smiled.

"Thanks and don't worry. I'll be fine. I'm a card carrying member of the Scooby Gang remember," he said as he turned to Giles, "G-man there are no words."

"Xander, I told you to never call me that again," Giles said exasperated.

"Sorry, just had to have one for the road."

Giles smiled at that, "Yes well goodbye and good luck." Both of them finally hugged after a bit of awkwardness.

"I'm going to miss you," Xander told him.

"Yes, I'll miss you as well. Please Xander do take care of yourself."

"I will, well I'll be seeing you," he said as he made his way towards the car.

"Be sure to avoid demons," Giles added.

"Yeah, especially ones of the female variety; we all know how much the like you," Buffy joked as he got into the car.

"Well, I am irresistible," Xander said turning towards them.

"Come back soon," Willow added.

"I'm not coming back until I drive to all 50 states," Xander stated, matter of factly.

"Ummm, Xander…you do know that," Buffy started but Giles stopped her telling her not to bother as Xander drove off; leaving Buffy, Willow, and Giles waving behind him.

"You're late," Cordy stated, sounding slightly annoyed as Xander pulled up to the curb, where she was standing.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Did I keep you waiting?" He said with just a hint of sarcasm.

"This is your car," Cordelia stated in disbelief. She looked at the thing as though it might explode at any moment.

"Yes…..well no; technically it's my Uncle Rory's but it gets the job done," he said as Cordelia raised her eyebrows in disbelief and he got out of the car.

"I seriously doubt that."

"Cordy, How much stuff do you have?" Xander asked looking at the large amount of luggage surrounding her.

"Hey, I packed light, only the essentials."

"The essentials for what; a trip to the moon?"

"I moving to L.A. remember; I'm not coming back. You're just going on some stupid road trip. You'll be back in Sunnyhell soon enough besides unlike some people I care about my appearance."

"Remind me why I ever agreed to drive you to L.A." he said as he finished putting the last of Cordelia's bags in the trunk. When he was finished he looked at the overstuffed trunk trying to think of a solution, "maybe if we both push it'll fit."

"Okay, on the count of 3."

"Okay, one."

"Two."

"Three," they said in unison as the pushed slamming the trunk shut.

"Xander?"

"Yeah?" he said leaning on the trunk of the car and breathing heavy.

"Thanks for….everything," Cordelia said with a sincere smile.

He smiled back at her, "No problem. Come on lets get going."

"You know I thought I couldn't wait to leave but I'm gonna miss this place."

"Oh yeah, what with the hellmouth, the vampires, the demons, and the general everyday mayhem what's not to like?" he said sarcastically.

"You're right. Let's get out of here," she said as they both got in the car.

"Read my mind," he said as he drove off headed towards L.A.

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	2. Chapter 2

It was late; Xander drove along the road, while Cordelia sat in the passenger's seat.

"I'm hungry," she whined, "and we've been driving forever."

"I've got Twinkies," Xander offered as Cordelia responded by raising her eyebrows.

"Look, there's a diner," Cordelia said pointing it out with one of her well-manicured fingers, "let's stop there."

"Alright," Xander said as he pulled the car into the parking lot of Joe's Diner. The parking lot was empty save for a few cars parked near the entrance to the diner.

Cordelia and Xander walked in and sat down in a booth, as the waitress came over to take their orders.

"What can I get you?" she said as she popped her gum.

"Ummm," Xander said as he looked over the menu.

"Do you have anything low fat," Cordelia asked, only to receive a dirty look from the waitress.

"I'll have pancakes," Xander said.

"Same," Cordelia replied as 2 girls, dressed like hookers or at least that's what Cordelia thought they looked like, entered the diner and caught Xander's attention.

One of the girls noticed his obvious stares and she nudged her friend, who smiled as they both walked over.

"Oh great," Cordelia said.

"Yeah, great," Xander said a goofy smile plastered on his face. What did I ever see in him Cordelia mused.

"Hi, I'm Sunny," the bottle blonde replied, "And this is Cherrie," she said indicating her red haired friend.

"Hi," Xander said.

"Hey," Cherrie said in a sultry voice, "What's a cute guy like you doing a place like this."

"Hey, Cherrie back off. Look he's with his girlfriend," Sunny said.

"She's not my girlfriend," Xander said, hurriedly, "I mean she was my girlfriend but now she's just my friend who's a girl; actually we're not very close. She's more of an acquaintance really." He had begun to babble.

"Xander," Cordelia said as she kicked him under the table. She was obviously annoyed. She refused to be snubbed by of all people Xander Harris.

"Ow," Xander said, sending her a dirty look

"Too bad," Sunny said, "But I guess her lose is our gain."

"Yeah," he said.

"Do you mind if we join you?" Cherrie asked.

"No," Xander said.

"I'm going to the bathroom," Cordelia stated, although no one heard her.

She left just as the girls sat down and began to flirt shamelessly with Xander. I'm not jealous Cordelia told herself as she entered the bathroom and looked and herself in the mirror, just mad. If they want Xander they can have him. Soon I'll be too busy, walking on red carpets, doing interviews, and staring in my own sitcom to worry about him she thought as she began to enter one of the bathroom stalls.

"Can you believe Sunny and Cherrie," an African American girl said to her brunette, both were dressed just as bad as the aforementioned girls.

"I know," the brunette intoned as Cordelia listened to their conversation from behind the stall, "They'll do anything for a cheap meal."

The two girls began to leave the room as Cordelia came out of the stall. She couldn't help notice as the last girl left and passed the by the mirror she had no reflection. Oh my god, Cordelia thought, Xander.

Cordelia rushed out of the bathroom and towards the booth but no one was sitting there and Xander and his 2 vampire friends were no where in sight.

She noticed the waitress and went over to her, "Hey that guy I was with did you happen to see him with two girls, skanky?" Cordelia asked.

"Yeah," the waitress replied, as began to clear plates off the table.

"Where did they go?"

"Listen honey, the man of yours he's no good, a cheater….."

"Where did they go?"

"Out back I think."

Cordelia rushed out of the building and into the alleyway behind it, only to find Xander getting attacked by Sunny and Cherrie.

"Hey, leave him alone!" she yelled.

"Well look who it is," Sunny said as she and Cherrie backed Cordelia and Xander into a corner.

Xander try to run pass them but Cherrie pushed him back next to Cordy, "Where do you think you're going, lover?"

"No where," Xander said, holding his hands up in mock surrender the whole time trying to think of a way out of this situation. What would Buffy do? Xander asked himself. Well Buffy wouldn't have been stupid enough to be seduced by 2 vampires.

"Back off trailer trash!" Cordelia yelled at Sunny as she pushed a cross against the vampire's skin. She had caught Sunny off guard and the vampire began to shriek as her skin bubbled and she backed away.

While Sunny was shrieking Xander managed to catch Cherrie off guard and stake her. He watched as the red haired vamp turned into dust.

"Xander!" Cordelia yelled. Sunny was holding against the brick wall of the alleyway and she was trying to take a bit out of her.

"Hey," Xander yelled as he through a rock at Sunny, which hit her in the head causing her to spin around and face him. The distraction gave Cordelia just enough time to stake the vampire in the back. Sunny disintegrated as Cordelia placed her stake in her purse and brushed her hands against one another, removing the dust.

"What is with you and demon women?" she asked him.

"Don't worry Cordy. You'll always be my favorite," he said giving her a grin and placing his arm around her shoulders as the walked down the alleyway towards the car.

"Here, we are," Xander said as he pulled up to up class apartment building and they got out of the car.

"Finally," Cordy said giving him a dirty look, "You drive so slowly."

"No, I don't."

"My grandmother drives faster then you. I saw a snail pass us on the road."

Xander just ignored the remark as the he opened the trunk to remove Cordy's things, "Cordy, you sure you can afford this place after everything with your parents?"

"Of course, please….I'm staying with a friend who lives here until I get on my feet and then once I become a rich and famous actress I'll get a kick ass apartment of my own."

"Okay, well, here are your bags. Do you want me to help you take them upstairs?"

"No!" she said a little too quickly, "I mean you should get going; get into road trip mode or whatever."

"Alright, if you're sure."

"Yeah, I'm great."

"Good," he said as he turned to leave.

"Xander," Cordy said running over to him and giving him a hug, "I'm really gonna miss you."

"Me too. If you need anything….."

"I'll call," she said pulling away and giving him a kiss on the cheek.

Cordy watched as Xander pulled away from the curb and merged with the other traffic speeding down the street. She pulled a newspaper clipping out of her pocket and looked at the address. Sadly she picked up her bags and began to walk the four blocks to her real apartment. The truth was Cordy didn't really know too many people in L.A. but she would be able to make due.

A little while later Cordy was led up to her apartment (if you could call the drab, dirty thing that) by the greasy landlord. She closed the door behind her, put her bags on the floor, and plopped down on the pull out couch that was her bed.

"So much for the glamour of L.A." she said to the empty apartment.


	3. Chapter 3

Xander parked his car and checked into a local motel. He had been planning on driving straight to the next state on his list but he had changed his mind and decided to stay in L.A. for a little while. 'Besides I have all summer to visit all 50 states' Xander thought, 'and I've never really had a chance to explore L.A. So where should I go first,' he continued as he stepped out of the hotel and into the sunny streets of L.A.

That night Xander walked around L.A. still looking for something to do. He had gone to look for movies stars but couldn't find any and he had tried a few of the clubs but unfortunately tonight he wasn't having any luck meeting girls. That's when Xander heard a scream. He ran towards it and down a near by alley way, as he ran out of the alley, he saw a young girl running a way. He looked down the alley only to find Angel.

"Dead boy!" Xander said, only to receive a frown from Angel, "You're not evil again are you cuz girls don't generally flee in fright from people, who save them."

"I'm not evil! I just told her to go home, where it's safe."

"You really need to work on your people skills."

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm on a road trip."

"Then shouldn't you be on the road?" Angel asked as he began to walk out of the alley way, Xander falling into step next to him.

"I had to make a stop. What are you doing her?"

"I live here, remember?" he said slightly annoyed.

"She misses you," Xander said.

"I miss her too…….So where are you planning to go on this road trip?"

"I'm gonna drive to all 50 states."

"You do know Hawaii and Alaska are in the middle of the ocean, right."

"Okay, I'll drive to 48 states, close enough." Angel smiled in response, "You smiled, I didn't know you could do that. I mean I knew you had the brooding down cold……." Xander's voice begins to trail off as the walk further down the street and out of sight.

Angel half listened to Xander as he continued to babble on; nodding occasionally to pretend like he was listening. He was looking around and that's when he noticed the newspaper lying on the ground at first he was about to disregard it and move on but the headline caught his attention. He picked it up and began to read:

A young blind girl was found murdered yesterday in her apartment……yada yada yada, Angel thought scanning the page for anything supernatural….Here eyes were missing and her eyelids were stitched shut.

"Hello, earth to Angel," Xander said, waving his hand in front of the vampires face, "Are you even listening to me."

"Listen to this, a blind girl was murdered in her apartment last night."

"So, I mean it's horrible yeah but not exactly an excuse to rally the troops."

"Someone removed her eyes."

"Okay can I just say eww."

An obscure figure is seen placing a jar with eyeballs in it on a shelf, next to a jar with a pair of ears in it, one with a brain, and near one with a tongue as well. The figure picks up a marker and crosses eyes off a list with other various body parts on it. Then it grabs a knife and begins to sharpen, all the while thinking about its next kill.

Xander looked over Angel's shoulder as the vampire typed something into the libraries computer. It was well after the library had closed but they need information and Angel didn't own a computer.

"We have a few hits," Angel said as his scrolled down the page, clicking on various articles, "It looks like this killing wasn't the only one there was another three very similar."

"What happened?"

"A deaf boy was found dead in the park last week; both of his ears had been removed and about three days ago a woman was found in her bed in the retirement home where she lived. Her brain had been removed. Also about a month ago a man was found dead in his upper L.A. apartment, his tongue had been cut out."

"Let me guess mute?"

"Yeah."

"Looks like our mystery man had been one busy bee."

"Yeah."

"I don't get it though who would want defective body parts anyway?"

"I don't know," Angel said. He had been asking himself the very same question but now another one occurred to him, who was next?

The same figure watched as a man in his 40s walked down the street. He had been watching this man for some time now and his would soon be ready to make his move.

The next day Xander and Angel used the sewers to get to the retirement home where one of the murders had taken place.

"So what's our story?" Xander asked. Angel just shrugged, "Okay how bout we pretend to be detectives or cops. Volunteers, maybe?"

The receptionists looked at them suspiciously when they entered but Angel quickly walked over to an older looking gentleman, "Grandpa, how are you?" he said with a smile.

"Ay?" the old man asked.

"It's me your grandson," Angel said, hoping the man mistaked him for someone he knew.

"Ben? Is that you?"

"Yeah, it's me grandpa."

"Good to see you. You've grown, last time I saw you could barley walk. I thought that was about a month ago. What have they been feeding you?"

"He's senile," Angel whispered to the receptionist, "Come on Grandpa why don't we go for a nice walk." Angel began to usher the man down the hall and away from the suspicious receptionist. Xander followed.

"It was nice meeting you," Xander said as the 2 men walked off, leaving the older man by himself, "Oh and here don't spend it all in one place." Xander said handing the man some change.

The man looked down counted it and yelled, "Yippee, I'm getting me a Kit-Kat. Give me a break, give me a break, break me off a piece of that Kit-Kat bar," he sang as he walked down the hall towards the vending machines.

"Excuse," Angel asked a woman sitting on a bench near by, "Did you happen to know a woman by the name of Bertha Mason?"

"Bertha?"

"Yeah," Xander said.

"Oh, yes. We use to play bridge together before she passed on."

"Was there anything wrong with her, physically?" Angel asked.

"Yes, I believe she had Alzheimer's."

"That explains the brain," Xander commented, "Did you see anything the night of her murder?"

"At about 3 in the morning," Angel offered.

"I saw a man; I think it was a man. I'm not sure."

"Can you describe him?" Angel asked.

"He was tall, wore dark clothes. His hands they were scaly and black. I've never seen anything like it before."

"Thank you," they said before they left the room.

"Mystical?" Xander offered.

"Not many people have scaly black hands."

"I did have a camp counselor once but it couldn't be him."

"It's a demon of some sort but I'm not sure what and I don't know what its doing."

"Well, whatever it is it can't be good."

The figure quietly crept into the apartment of the man he had been watching. He slowly walked over to the man's bed where he was fast asleep. He waved his hand over the man's mouth to silence him and then swiftly and silently he removed his knife from its sheath. Next he pushed the knife into the man's chest and with the skill of one of the world's best surgeons he cut out the man's heart, placing it in a jar, which he tucked under his cloak. Next he proceeded to sew up the man's chest and clean up and blood that he had spilt. When he had finished he left the room through the window with the same swiftness in which he came.

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	4. Chapter 4

Angel was sleeping when he heard someone bagging on his front door. Slowly he got up, yawning, put on his robe and went to go open the door. Only, to find Xander there. Xander just walked in without Angel even inviting him in. 'Sometimes I wish I had to invite people before they could come into to my home,' Angel thought as he closed the door.

"Can your apartment be any darker?" Xander asked.

"I'm a vampire."

"It's like the Bat cave in here."

"Xander is there a reason you woke me up at midnight," Angel yawned.

"Don't pretend like you're tired. You're a creature of the night," Xander said, pointing an accusatory finger, "You sleep during the day."

"Xander!"

"Chill, I have news."

"Okay?"

"Aren't you going to rally the troops or something?" Angel gave him a hard look.

"Fine, turn on the news. Channel 5," Xander instructed as Angel got the remote and switched on the television.

A news reporter came on the screen, retelling the details of a murder that happened earlier tonight. A man was murder in his apartment; his heart had been missing.

"And guess what I found out turns out he has angina. Now I'm not sure what that is but I bet it's got something to do with your heart."

Angel walked over to one of his bookshelves and pulled out a heavy volume. He leafed through it, until he found the page he was looking for.

"What is it?" Xander asked.

"The end of the world."

"Again?!"

"Yeah, there's this spell…"

"Don't they ever come up with anything new," Xander said, interrupting Angel, who frowned, "Sorry, you were saying."

"It's a spell, 5 body parts if they are placed on each of the 5 points in this design," Angel said showing Xander the book. The design looked like a wheel, "A demon is summoned that has the power to grant immortality but at the price of destroying the world."

"Apparently someone didn't read the fine print," Xander joked, "So, does it say where it's got to take place?"

Angel scanned the page, "And he will rise where the water kisses the land and when the sun and the moon fight for control of the sky."

"Cryptic much?"

"The beach during an eclipse," Angel said, a little unsure.

"Alright mister smarty pants since you know so much. When exactly is the eclipse supposed to happen?"

"And in other news, tomorrow or I guess should say today we will be experiencing a solar eclipse….." the new caster continued but Angel and Xander ignored her.

"I'll get the weapons," Angel said.

"Right, I'll bring the car around."

"No way. You are not driving my car."

"Oh, come on. I'm a good driver," Xander whined.

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Also I don't know much about solar eclipses, so if anything happens that is wrong I'm sorry, just suspend your belief and pretend it has somthing to do with the spell.


	5. Chapter 5

'Soon immortality will be mine,' the demon thought as he set up the circle that would summon the demon. It was almost time for the spell. He placed the various body parts on their respective points. As he placed each thing down he began to recite the preliminary spell.

He put the heart down, "Give me the strength to serve you," he place the ears down, "the power to hear your call," he placed down the eyes, "the sight to see your glory," he placed down the tongue, "the voice to preach your brilliance," he placed down the brain, "the intelligence to do your works. I give myself to you mind, body, and soul. I pledge my allegiance and all I ask in return is immortality."

He dropped to his knees as the moon slowly moved in front of the sun and the eclipse began. It wasn't until the sun had been completely blotted out that Angel and Xander came out of the shadows where they had been hiding.

"If you like him that much start a website," Angel said as he punched the now chanting demon in the face.

The demon fell backwards but he didn't miss a beat using his legs to knock Angel off his feet.

"Aa, Angel?" Xander said, looking at the now glowing circle.

"I'm a little busy now," Angel said as he traded blows with the demon.

"But Angel."

"What?!" he said, punching the demon and looking at Xander, he noticed the glowing circle, "Oh shit!" The demon came up behind him and hit him over the head with a rock. Angel went down with a thump.

"Hey, how's it going?" Xander said, backing away slowly.

"You will pay," the demon growled.

"Okay," Xander said, "Credit or cash?" The demon growled. Xander tried to fight him off but the demon was too strong. He gripped Xander's neck and lifted him off the ground.

Xander could feel himself slipping into unconsciousness as breathing became an issue. That's when he saw Angel come up from behind and chop the demon's head off. Xander fell to the floor, gasping for air.

"Now what?" Xander asked as Angel helped him to his feet.

"The counter spell," he said as Xander ran over to the duffle bag they had brought and he pulled out a book, tossing it to Angel.

Angel flipped the book open and began to read something in Latin as something began to rise out of the ocean.

"Angel hurry!" Angel's voice got stronger and he finished in response a beam of light shot down from where the moon covered the sun and hit the monster causing it to explode and splatter all over Angel and Xander.

Angel closed the book and looked at Xander. Both of them were covered in demon goo and viscera.

"I really hate demons," Xander said. Angel just smiled at him as they collected their stuff and made their way back to Angel's car before the sun came back.

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"Thanks for the shower," Xander said. He and Angel stood in front of Xander's car. It was nighttime. They had only just earlier today defeated the demon and once again averted the apocalypse, "It's been…..we should do this….I'll see you around."

"Have a good trip," Angel said as Xander got in his car and drove away.

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Review please.


	6. Chapter 6

Xander had been on the road for awhile now so he pulled into a gas station in a very small town (It made Sunnydale look like L.A.) and filled up his tank and went inside to get some food and pay. When he walked into the store he was the only one there besides the clerk.

"Hi," Xander nodded to him. The redneck clerk just looked at him, grumpily, "Okay then." Xander went down one of the aisles picking some food up and carrying it to the counter. On his way to the counter Xander noticed some a pack of Twinkies. He couldn't carry it because his hands were full so he pushed it into his pocket and made his way to the counter. He paid for his food, said goodbye to the grumpy clerk, and got into his car.

Xander started to drive down the road and out of the town, when he felt something in his pocket. He reached inside and found the pack of Twinkies. He had forgotten to pay for them. 'Opps' Xander thought and that's when he saw the flashing lights of the cop car behind him in his rearview mirror. 'Come on,' Xander thought, 'all this for a package of Twinkies. Well I am in one of the less modern towns of California.'

As Xander pulled over he recalled a story his Uncle had told about this town where they executed a guy for stealing a pack of cigarettes. Xander gulped as the cop yelled at him, his gun raised.

"Put your hands above your head and get out of the car!" the cop yelled and Xander obliged. The cop walked over to him and handcuffed him and arrested him.

***********************

"Listen," Xander said to the cop. He was sitting in the cop's office being interrogated, "It was an accident. Honestly, I don't see what the big deal is."

"You don't see what the big deal is! You murdered someone that's an offence punishable by….." the cop began.

"Wait! What?! I didn't murder anyone! All I did was accidentally steal a pack of Twinkies!"

"Is that why you murdered the clerk because he caught you stealing."

"No, I didn't murder anyone!"

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Xander dialed his parents with his one phone call, "Hi mom, yeah it's me Xander….Your son, mom….Listen, I'm in some trouble. I need some money for a lawyer, a good one…….I'm charged with murder……..Mom! Mom, don't cry mom!.....No, I didn't do it……How much? I don't know a few grand……No? What do you mean no……I don't know if that's such a good idea……She hung up."

Xander put down the phone and allowed the guard to escort him back to his cell. 'Well at least I have a lawyer,' Xander thought, 'What am I saying it's my cousin Vinny. I'm screwed.'


End file.
